Dog Days of Summer...and SWEAT.

I wonder if I will ever be that girl that "glistens".  I doubt it. 

I live in the Deep South.  It's hot, humid and almost unbearable.  This past weekend I went to the Farmer's Market in Charleston with a friend.  I think I made it 3 minutes before I got annoyed...  I literally had sweat running down my back all the way to my ankles.  Disgusting.  I am a BIG fan of air conditioning and stay inside a good bit because of my current job.

I keep telling myself that maybe if I lose some more weight, I won't sweat as much as I do...but I am realizing that is not true.  I don't care if I get down to my goal weight...I'm sure I will still sweat just as much!  (I have this crazy mentality that fat girls sweat more than skinny girls...guess it's because I've never been skinny and am wishful thinking!)

Needless to say.... I am MORE than ready for Fall weather!!!  Bring it!

Until next time....

Weekly Weigh In

Weekly Weigh In....

195lbs!!!!!!

YAY!  I am so glad to be past this "Not Losing Hump".  I've been teeter tottering back and forth and I am finally breaking through!  I am motivated more now than ever and will get into the 180's soon....

Until next time...

My "Real" Motivation...

One of the main reasons I am trying to get my weight down is pregnancy.  Sure, I want to be healthy... I want to look good for my husband...I want to feel comfortable about my body...I want self confidence... But, my driving force is a potential pregnancy.

My husband and I are going to start trying for kids after Christmas... We've been married for a year and a half.  I know some would still consider us "newlyweds" and advise us to enjoy time to ourselves, but we are ready.  We both talk about being parents constantly... Being a mom is all I think about.  Plus, we want 2-3 children and I'm going to be 29 this year (he will be 32) and we don't want to be having kids too late in life.

First of all, I want a healthy pregnancy and know that weight can cause issues.  Second of all, I want to look pregnant...not just fat.  I've always been afraid that when I get pregnant people won't be able to tell if I'm really pregnant or just overweight.

My goal weight is 147lbs... I have roughly 50ish pounds to go.  I know that I can get this off before Christmas, but it's just starting to hit me how close Christmas really is! 

This is my motivation.  I think this weekend made me realize that I need to step up my game and get this weight OFF. I mean, it's already the middle of August...What happened to July!?  Before I know it, it's going to be Thanksgiving....and then Christmas.

I've been lolly-gaggin' for the last month.  I haven't lost what I've wanted... I think it's mostly because I've gotten comfortable.  I feel good about the 50lbs I've already lost.... and have slacked off.  I'm in a "halfway hump"...I just need to keep reminding myself of my goal and that even though I "feel good"...I'm still overweight!

I am ready to get back with it.  This "halfway hump" has got to go!!!

Until next time...

Weekly Weigh In

Weekly Weigh In

200 lbs

Well, I wish I could say I'm happy about this...but I'm not.  I could've done MUCH better.  This weekend was good...I ate well and was not tempted.  I also realized that I need to get my ass in gear.  Seriously.  I need to be at my goal weight by Christmas... That's not that far away!!!  4 1/2 months.


Until next time...

Will Power...and my struggle to find it.

I am so tired of being fat... You would think I would have more motivation.  Mentally I am strong...but then out of no where, I buckle.  It could be the smallest temptation or feeling that sends me in tailspin.  Maybe it's because I've lost 50lbs and feel good.... I need to remember that I am still fat.  Just because I've lost 50lbs does not make it okay or justify eating bad.  I am halfway there and still have another 50lbs to lose. 

Yesterday, I did OKAY.  Not great, but okay.  I ate one too many protein bars... (which is okay).  But my downfall was the ever so tempting Barefoot Contessa's Pasta Pesto Pea Salad I made for my hubby.  Ugh.  I ate about a cup of it. Not too bad.... but not good either.

My husband is not on a crazy protein diet, so I do still cook for him.  Most of the time I'm not tempted...but this I couldn't resist just a small cup... Ugh. 

I know I didn't do too bad, but it just disppoints me when I fall off track.  I WANT THIS.  I want to be thin.  I want to be healthy.  I want to get pregnant sometime next year.  I NEED THIS.

My husband gets up EVERY morning at 5am to workout.  (He is training for a Half Ironman Triathlon this fall).  I have decided that I am going to start getting up with him and doing my elliptical machine, which has been collecting dust.  Please pray I actually get up and do this!!!  I hate working out, but know I need to start being more active.  Diet is great, but working out is key.

Until next time....

Weekly Weigh In

Weekly Weigh In

201 lbs

UGH!!!!!!!!

I am so frustrated with myself.  I did really bad last week.... (Mellow Mushroom, Taco Bell, Date Night, Breakfast Buffet, and Mexican).  I have only myself to blame.  I am back with it... I got back on the protein shakes yesterday, so I hope to see a big loss this week!

I'm also drinking 1.5 gallons of water a day.  This is SUPER hard...but I have to stay hydrated with my kidney stone history & protein shake diet.

Expect a big number next week!

Excuses, excuses...

I'm just going to say it.  I have taken my Kidney Stones to a whole new level of excuses... 

I have been very lethargic all week...I think it's from the IV at the hospital.  I called my diet Dr.... and she did confirm that protein shakes can "stir up" kidney stones, but do not cause them.  Unfortunately, I can't change my parents...so I'm pretty much destined to get them.

With that being said, I took this week off my diet...and went a little crazy.  Monday-Mellow Mushroom, Tuesday- Taco Bell, and today- Wendys.  UGH.  What was I thinking!?

I did go to my diet Dr. today...I amazingly did not gain weight.  I used wanting to sit down with her to go over kidney stone prevention at my next appointment as an excuse to eat crap all week... Not smart. 

Anyways, I am starting back tomorrow.  Full force.  No excuses.  She gave me a list of things to do while I'm on protein shakes to prevent kidney stones...so I can't be afraid.

Funny thing was, my Dr. told me that she understood if I wanted to stop the diet.... I almost laughed.  As painful as a kidney stone is.... being fat is JUST AS PAINFUL.  I'm taking my chances and getting the rest of this weight off.

Yes, I know starting tomorrow is just a form of procrastination...(why not start today?).  Well, I've already eaten a bacon/blue burger from Wendy's and my husband and I have a "date night" to celebrate paying off one of the credit cards.... I almost feel like today is shot.  So, I will start tomorrow...it's a new day.

Until next time...

My Weekend in the ER...

Well, my weekend was definitely NOT what I expected.

My husband and I went to Savannah, GA for a photoshoot this weekend. (I'm a photographer). His parents also live in the area so we were going to visit them, as well.

Thank God my husband was with me Saturday after the photoshoot. I got a severe pain on my right side...so bad I couldn't drive and had to pull off the road. I'm sure I scared the living daylights out of my husband...he had to drive at night without his glasses...Not to mention, we got lost. It took us 45 minutes to get to an Emergency Room. Worst Pain of my LIFE.

Well, after lots of good drugs...I was quite the entertainment at the ER. I don't normally cuss, but Saturday night...I had the mouth of a sailor. Anyways, come to find out...I have kidney stones. NO fun. I only passed one, but now I get the luxury of going to a Urologist for more tests...

I haven't experienced child birth yet, so I can honestly say this was the worst pain experience I've had. I'm just glad to be feeling better!

As far as the diet...I did great this weekend, so I'm not sure why I didn't drop any weight. Maybe the IV??? Who knows!? But, it will come of this week! I promise!

Weekly Weigh In

Weekly Weigh In....

198lbs.

(No weight loss, No gain)

I am okay with this number.  I did really well all week and I think it will drop a good bit this week.  My gut tells me that a lot of this is water weight from this weekend....

Size 14

Well, today I got into a pair of my favorite jeans... They are snug, but comfortable.  I haven't been able to wear them for two years, so I'm happy!  They are a size 14.  I have lots of dresses that I've been able to wear that are a 14, but jeans are different.  I've finally made the transition and couldn't be happier!  Now, I'm looking forward to them getting loose and baggy!

I started this diet at 247lbs the first week of April...  I was a size 18.

Now, I'm 198lbs during the last week of July at a size 14.

51 more pounds to go... I wonder what size I will be at that point!?

Until next time...

Almond Addiction

I confess.  I'm addicted to almonds.  I eat them everyday.  One thing about trying to lose weight is I've noticed the less excitement in my food, the better off I am.  If I find a routine and stick to it, I tend to do pretty well.  Luckily, I have found a snack that will fill me up and it takes me a while to eat!  Those one hundred calorie packs of cookies can be a joke sometimes....I tear into the bag and poof, they're gone!  What a tease!  With almonds, it's different for some reason.  What's even better is now there are a ton of flavors which keeps it interesting!  (chocolate, vanilla bean, salt & vinegar, chili lime, etc).  I'm officially in love.

Until next time....

Man v. Food

My husband and I both share a strong love for food.  We love to cook, eat, and watch Food Network and other cooking shows....  I must say I can usually watch all the cooking shows without getting too terribly tempted, but there is one show that makes me seriously crave things.

Man v. Food on the Travel Channel.

This show is bad news.  I have watched this show, craved the food, and left my house to find something similar.  Sad thing is, my husband was no help in stopping me.... He gets sucked into the show too!  Pizza, wings, bbq, burritos...NOTHING that is healthy.  Gets me wanting to cheat everytime....

Speaking of cheating...I've been tempted all day.  I think it's just one of those days.  I've stuck to my guns and done well, regardless of my multiple thoughts on greasy cheeseburgers and warm, chewy brownies....

Until next time...

Exercise...and my lack of it.

I hate exercise. 

There, I said it.  I know so many people who love to workout daily.  I am not one of those people.  I have tried so many different things to get into....and it never lasts. 

Ironically, my husband is a very athletic man.  Right now, he is training for the 2010 Augusta Half Ironman Triathlon.  (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, and 13.1 mile run).   I'm so proud of him for all of his hard work and training....but, I cannot imagine doing this and have no desire to ever try. 

I've tried to find something that I love and can enjoy doing.... so far, I'm unsuccessful.  I got a two year membership to a women's gym... I think I went the first month.  I tried to get into something that my husband does, so we could workout together....which led to the purchase of a fancy road bike.  I hated cycling.... granted, I have horrible balance and tend to be clumsy.  Riding a bicycle (with tiny tires) 18-20mph is scary for a girl who is accident prone.  Needless to say, we sold the bike and I bought an elliptical machine.  I was very consistent for about 3 months and did an hour 5x/week.  Now, I'm lucky if I workout once a week.  I'm just bored with it. 

I guess it all boils down to.... I don't like to exercise.

I used to walk when I was single.  I actually enjoyed that.  I had a girlfriend who lived next door and we would walk 3 miles everyday after work, which was fun because it was more of a "social thing" than an "exercise thing".  I need to find a walking partner. (My friend moved and my husband gets bored walking).  Maybe one day....

What do you do for exercise?

Weekly Weigh In

Weekly Weigh In:

198 lbs!!!

I must say, It feels damn good to be back in the 100's!  I'm looking forward to kicking @$$ and taking names from here on out.  I think I'm more motivated than I've been in a long time.  Maybe it's because I finally feel like it's possible.... Maybe it's because I want to have a healthy pregnancy sometime next year (God willing).... Maybe it's because I'm finally back in the 100's!  Who knows.... but it feels good!

I'm big boned...Oh wait, I'm just fat!

My mother has always told me I am "big boned"... I've heard that a lot my life and believed it. I've always used that as an excuse in my head for being a bigger girl.

One thing that I've learned... I'm NOT "big boned"... I'm fat. I'm not ashamed to say this because I am accepting what I have done to my body and working on correcting my mistakes.

I've never had an ultimate "goal weight" to reach... My reasoning for this was always because I'd look at the healthy weight range charts and see 120-160ishlbs was my range. (I'm 5'6"). I've always assumed if I get to 160lbs that I will look like an emaciated supermodel because I'm "big boned"... Plus, I can't remember the last time I weighed less that 175ish so to get into that "Healthy Range" seems near impossible at times.

Well, I asked my Doctor what should be my goal weight... Her answer: 140lbs. I'm sure she noticed my eye roll when that number came out of her mouth. I immediately asked her why it was so low b/c I'm bigger boned... Needless to say, I am "medium build" (average size) underneath all this fat. NOT big boned.

So... With this being said, I've created my own personal goal. I want to get down to 147lbs. Why 147? Well, I started my journey at 247lbs (my highest weight)... so I may as well shoot for 100lbs. I think if I can stay under 150lbs and maintain it I will be happy.

***My weigh in is tomorrow (the one that I actually count), but I get on the scale EVERY morning. I am happy to say that I weighed in this morning at 199lbs!!!! Finally out of the 200's!

Until next time...

My current diet... yes, diet. (Lifestyle change is next).

I'm on a diet.

People always say "It's not a diet, it's a Lifestyle Change". Well, what I am doing is a "diet". There is no way I can do this for the rest of my life... I say this but also know there is no turning back. I will not go back to my old life of eating cheeseburgers, chocolate, and anything I can get my hands on nonstop.

I am seeing a weight loss doctor and have been since April 5th, 2010. She has been my savior. Seriously.

Right now, I am on a protein shake plan...I've lost 47lbs as of today and still have another 50 lbs to go. (My goal weight is 150). I am sticking to the protein shakes until I get down to about 175lbs... then I will start to incorporate more food items and learn to eat and maintain my loss. (This is what the Doctor suggested for me because I'm the Queen of Yo Yo Dieting). Until then, I'm just focused on drinking these shakes and getting this weight off!

Daily Diet:
6am: Protein Shake (100 calories/15g of protein)
9am: Protein Shake
12pm: Protein Shake
3pm: Protein Shake
6pm: 6oz of lean meat and 2 cups of veggies

Total Calories: 700-800 per day

I am also drinking a gallon of water (crystal light) a day.... and taking a TON of vitamins (Fiber, Calcium, Potassium, Multi-vitamin, etc).

Along with the vitamins, I'm taking Phentermine. Some people don't agree with taking appetite suppressants and feel you should do it on your own... I've learned that with my habitual binge eating, this really helps me. It may be a mental thing...who knows.

I actually feel "healthy" doing this. My doctor has explained everything in detail to me, which is hard to find. Most doctors seem in a rush to get to their next patient...not mine. She sits down and actually talks to you, which is awesome.

Anyways, this is what I'm doing... It's working and I feel good. Which is a feeling that I haven't felt in a long time. It's nice!

Until next time...

Food that makes me FAT

Mexican food.

I seriously have a LOVE for Mexican food. (Well, let's be honest...ALL food). I love the flavors, cheese, textures...everything. If I knew I was going to die tomorrow, there is no question what my last meal would be.

Supreme Nachos w/ Chicken.

I'm salivating just from the thought of Nachos.

I've realized that I can't even try to eat Mexican food while dieting... I know there are some people who diet and don't believe in "depriving" yourself of certain foods, but this is one food that I can't control!

I don't think I am capable of physically going to a Mexican restaurant and consuming less than 2,000 calories. Sad, but true. I love all the bad things about Mexican... (cheese, sour cream, guacamole, cheese, chips, did I say cheese?).

Other foods I can eat in moderation, but I've accepted my long-term hiatus from Mexican. Maybe one day I will be able to control my portions...until then I try to only eat it once every 3 months.

What's your "fat" food?

Introduction...

Hello Blog World!

I have been debating on starting this blog, but have finally decided to go through with it. I am going to remain completely anonymous. I'm sorry, but I don't want everyone and their mama knowing what I weigh and my struggles with food! What I do want...is for readers to be able to relate. I know I struggle every day with my weight, appearance, and self confidence...Sometimes I feel like no one can understand why I struggle so much! I mean, weight loss is a piece of cake, right?! (Mmm, cake sure does sound tasty...) Eat less, excercise, and drink lots of water... I wish it was that easy!!!

I am young. Well, I like to think of myself as young... 28. Being fat has been part of my life since as far back as I can remember. I just was always a tad overweight. Once I hit the high school years, I started to put on the pounds. I think I was around a size 12/14 most of high school.... which if you look at the tiny little girls wearing next to nothing these days, that's considerably larger. I've always been the "bigger girl" in my circle of girl friends.

When I went off to college, I definitely indulged. Whether it was beer, mexican food, margarita's, or late night fast food runs.... I had my fair share. Next thing I new, I was in a size 18/20. I hit a point of complete misery and despair. A friend told me about some crazy diet her mother (a nurse) put people on who had heart issues.... It was basically eat 1000 calories per day and workout daily. I decided to try it... It worked and I became obsessed. Very obsessed. I was walking 3 miles every morning and 3 miles in the evenings... plus working out at "Curves". I lost 60lbs in a matter of 3 months. Amazing. I felt great, but knew it was not healthy. As much as my health is important, so is my happiness.

Problem is, I love food. I'm addicted. I'm a binge eater. Seriously. It's almost embarrassing what I've eaten in one sitting when no one was watching... I remember going to Taco Bell and Wendy's getting a combo from each...plus a couple burgers on the $1 menu....and stuffing my face. Then, 2 hours later my roommate came home and wanted to go out to dinner. Guess who pretended she hadn't eaten anything and was starving? Me.

I have learned that I tend to be one extreme or the other... I have a hard time finding a medium. I am either dropping weight like crazy and eating very little....or binging. This is not how I want to live my life.

I've done everything (like most overweight people have)... No carb, no fat, calorie counting, South Beach, etc.

I went to a weight loss doctor a few years ago who gave me Phentermine (appetite supressant) and Prozac. I wasn't comfortable taking the Prozac, but was willing to do anything to lose the weight. I went from 235lbs to 170lbs very quickly...but then decided I didn't want to be on meds my whole life.... Yeah, needless to say I gained it back. Plus some.

Recently, I was married and quit smoking... during this 2 year time frame I gained a whopping 80lbs. I put it on quick... I blamed the cigarettes and my husbands love for food, when really I am fully responsible.

I let myself go.

I got to the point where I avoided leaving my house for many reasons...
1. I had no clothes that fit.
2. I was embarrassed and didn't want friends noticing how much I had gained.
3. I had given up. I just wanted to stay home in elastic waistband pants and stuff my face in misery.

One day I woke up. I think it was just a reality check of my life.... I'm a newlywed. I want babies. I want to grow old with my husband.

I had a friend who was seeing a weight loss doctor and on some crazy protein shake diet.... I did some research and told my husband about it. Thank God, he really has my best interest and is willing for us to budget this in our finances. (I'll post a future blog about this program...)

In April 2010, I went to this Doctor.... I got on that scale and was mortified. I knew it was bad, but not that bad. 247lbs. Devastation hit. I was busting out of my size 18's and ready to make a change.

Well, it's now the end of July... and at my doctor appointment today, I weighed in at 201lbs. I'm so proud of my progress, but I have SO many things I still need to work on. (You will read all about these in future posts!)

I am really looking forward to this blog and hope you are too!

Thanks for reading!