I have been debating on starting this blog, but have finally decided to go through with it. I am going to remain completely anonymous. I'm sorry, but I don't want everyone and their mama knowing what I weigh and my struggles with food! What I do want...is for readers to be able to relate. I know I struggle every day with my weight, appearance, and self confidence...Sometimes I feel like no one can understand why I struggle so much! I mean, weight loss is a piece of cake, right?! (Mmm, cake sure does sound tasty...) Eat less, excercise, and drink lots of water... I wish it was that easy!!!
I am young. Well, I like to think of myself as young... 28. Being fat has been part of my life since as far back as I can remember. I just was always a tad overweight. Once I hit the high school years, I started to put on the pounds. I think I was around a size 12/14 most of high school.... which if you look at the tiny little girls wearing next to nothing these days, that's considerably larger. I've always been the "bigger girl" in my circle of girl friends.
When I went off to college, I definitely indulged. Whether it was beer, mexican food, margarita's, or late night fast food runs.... I had my fair share. Next thing I new, I was in a size 18/20. I hit a point of complete misery and despair. A friend told me about some crazy diet her mother (a nurse) put people on who had heart issues.... It was basically eat 1000 calories per day and workout daily. I decided to try it... It worked and I became obsessed. Very obsessed. I was walking 3 miles every morning and 3 miles in the evenings... plus working out at "Curves". I lost 60lbs in a matter of 3 months. Amazing. I felt great, but knew it was not healthy. As much as my health is important, so is my happiness.
Problem is, I love food. I'm addicted. I'm a binge eater. Seriously. It's almost embarrassing what I've eaten in one sitting when no one was watching... I remember going to Taco Bell and Wendy's getting a combo from each...plus a couple burgers on the $1 menu....and stuffing my face. Then, 2 hours later my roommate came home and wanted to go out to dinner. Guess who pretended she hadn't eaten anything and was starving? Me.
I have learned that I tend to be one extreme or the other... I have a hard time finding a medium. I am either dropping weight like crazy and eating very little....or binging. This is not how I want to live my life.
I've done everything (like most overweight people have)... No carb, no fat, calorie counting, South Beach, etc.
I went to a weight loss doctor a few years ago who gave me Phentermine (appetite supressant) and Prozac. I wasn't comfortable taking the Prozac, but was willing to do anything to lose the weight. I went from 235lbs to 170lbs very quickly...but then decided I didn't want to be on meds my whole life.... Yeah, needless to say I gained it back. Plus some.
Recently, I was married and quit smoking... during this 2 year time frame I gained a whopping 80lbs. I put it on quick... I blamed the cigarettes and my husbands love for food, when really I am fully responsible.
I let myself go.
I got to the point where I avoided leaving my house for many reasons...
1. I had no clothes that fit.
2. I was embarrassed and didn't want friends noticing how much I had gained.
3. I had given up. I just wanted to stay home in elastic waistband pants and stuff my face in misery.
One day I woke up. I think it was just a reality check of my life.... I'm a newlywed. I want babies. I want to grow old with my husband.
I had a friend who was seeing a weight loss doctor and on some crazy protein shake diet.... I did some research and told my husband about it. Thank God, he really has my best interest and is willing for us to budget this in our finances. (I'll post a future blog about this program...)
In April 2010, I went to this Doctor.... I got on that scale and was mortified. I knew it was bad, but not that bad. 247lbs. Devastation hit. I was busting out of my size 18's and ready to make a change.
Well, it's now the end of July... and at my doctor appointment today, I weighed in at 201lbs. I'm so proud of my progress, but I have SO many things I still need to work on. (You will read all about these in future posts!)
I am really looking forward to this blog and hope you are too!
Thanks for reading!
