Excuses, excuses...

I'm just going to say it.  I have taken my Kidney Stones to a whole new level of excuses... 

I have been very lethargic all week...I think it's from the IV at the hospital.  I called my diet Dr.... and she did confirm that protein shakes can "stir up" kidney stones, but do not cause them.  Unfortunately, I can't change my parents...so I'm pretty much destined to get them.

With that being said, I took this week off my diet...and went a little crazy.  Monday-Mellow Mushroom, Tuesday- Taco Bell, and today- Wendys.  UGH.  What was I thinking!?

I did go to my diet Dr. today...I amazingly did not gain weight.  I used wanting to sit down with her to go over kidney stone prevention at my next appointment as an excuse to eat crap all week... Not smart. 

Anyways, I am starting back tomorrow.  Full force.  No excuses.  She gave me a list of things to do while I'm on protein shakes to prevent kidney stones...so I can't be afraid.

Funny thing was, my Dr. told me that she understood if I wanted to stop the diet.... I almost laughed.  As painful as a kidney stone is.... being fat is JUST AS PAINFUL.  I'm taking my chances and getting the rest of this weight off.

Yes, I know starting tomorrow is just a form of procrastination...(why not start today?).  Well, I've already eaten a bacon/blue burger from Wendy's and my husband and I have a "date night" to celebrate paying off one of the credit cards.... I almost feel like today is shot.  So, I will start tomorrow...it's a new day.

Until next time...

Exercise...and my lack of it.

I hate exercise. 

There, I said it.  I know so many people who love to workout daily.  I am not one of those people.  I have tried so many different things to get into....and it never lasts. 

Ironically, my husband is a very athletic man.  Right now, he is training for the 2010 Augusta Half Ironman Triathlon.  (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, and 13.1 mile run).   I'm so proud of him for all of his hard work and training....but, I cannot imagine doing this and have no desire to ever try. 

I've tried to find something that I love and can enjoy doing.... so far, I'm unsuccessful.  I got a two year membership to a women's gym... I think I went the first month.  I tried to get into something that my husband does, so we could workout together....which led to the purchase of a fancy road bike.  I hated cycling.... granted, I have horrible balance and tend to be clumsy.  Riding a bicycle (with tiny tires) 18-20mph is scary for a girl who is accident prone.  Needless to say, we sold the bike and I bought an elliptical machine.  I was very consistent for about 3 months and did an hour 5x/week.  Now, I'm lucky if I workout once a week.  I'm just bored with it. 

I guess it all boils down to.... I don't like to exercise.

I used to walk when I was single.  I actually enjoyed that.  I had a girlfriend who lived next door and we would walk 3 miles everyday after work, which was fun because it was more of a "social thing" than an "exercise thing".  I need to find a walking partner. (My friend moved and my husband gets bored walking).  Maybe one day....

What do you do for exercise?

Introduction...

Hello Blog World!

I have been debating on starting this blog, but have finally decided to go through with it. I am going to remain completely anonymous. I'm sorry, but I don't want everyone and their mama knowing what I weigh and my struggles with food! What I do want...is for readers to be able to relate. I know I struggle every day with my weight, appearance, and self confidence...Sometimes I feel like no one can understand why I struggle so much! I mean, weight loss is a piece of cake, right?! (Mmm, cake sure does sound tasty...) Eat less, excercise, and drink lots of water... I wish it was that easy!!!

I am young. Well, I like to think of myself as young... 28. Being fat has been part of my life since as far back as I can remember. I just was always a tad overweight. Once I hit the high school years, I started to put on the pounds. I think I was around a size 12/14 most of high school.... which if you look at the tiny little girls wearing next to nothing these days, that's considerably larger. I've always been the "bigger girl" in my circle of girl friends.

When I went off to college, I definitely indulged. Whether it was beer, mexican food, margarita's, or late night fast food runs.... I had my fair share. Next thing I new, I was in a size 18/20. I hit a point of complete misery and despair. A friend told me about some crazy diet her mother (a nurse) put people on who had heart issues.... It was basically eat 1000 calories per day and workout daily. I decided to try it... It worked and I became obsessed. Very obsessed. I was walking 3 miles every morning and 3 miles in the evenings... plus working out at "Curves". I lost 60lbs in a matter of 3 months. Amazing. I felt great, but knew it was not healthy. As much as my health is important, so is my happiness.

Problem is, I love food. I'm addicted. I'm a binge eater. Seriously. It's almost embarrassing what I've eaten in one sitting when no one was watching... I remember going to Taco Bell and Wendy's getting a combo from each...plus a couple burgers on the $1 menu....and stuffing my face. Then, 2 hours later my roommate came home and wanted to go out to dinner. Guess who pretended she hadn't eaten anything and was starving? Me.

I have learned that I tend to be one extreme or the other... I have a hard time finding a medium. I am either dropping weight like crazy and eating very little....or binging. This is not how I want to live my life.

I've done everything (like most overweight people have)... No carb, no fat, calorie counting, South Beach, etc.

I went to a weight loss doctor a few years ago who gave me Phentermine (appetite supressant) and Prozac. I wasn't comfortable taking the Prozac, but was willing to do anything to lose the weight. I went from 235lbs to 170lbs very quickly...but then decided I didn't want to be on meds my whole life.... Yeah, needless to say I gained it back. Plus some.

Recently, I was married and quit smoking... during this 2 year time frame I gained a whopping 80lbs. I put it on quick... I blamed the cigarettes and my husbands love for food, when really I am fully responsible.

I let myself go.

I got to the point where I avoided leaving my house for many reasons...
1. I had no clothes that fit.
2. I was embarrassed and didn't want friends noticing how much I had gained.
3. I had given up. I just wanted to stay home in elastic waistband pants and stuff my face in misery.

One day I woke up. I think it was just a reality check of my life.... I'm a newlywed. I want babies. I want to grow old with my husband.

I had a friend who was seeing a weight loss doctor and on some crazy protein shake diet.... I did some research and told my husband about it. Thank God, he really has my best interest and is willing for us to budget this in our finances. (I'll post a future blog about this program...)

In April 2010, I went to this Doctor.... I got on that scale and was mortified. I knew it was bad, but not that bad. 247lbs. Devastation hit. I was busting out of my size 18's and ready to make a change.

Well, it's now the end of July... and at my doctor appointment today, I weighed in at 201lbs. I'm so proud of my progress, but I have SO many things I still need to work on. (You will read all about these in future posts!)

I am really looking forward to this blog and hope you are too!

Thanks for reading!